fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
