you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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