Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
