ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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