he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
