She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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