Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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