??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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