If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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