We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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