the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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