She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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