i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
