I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
