Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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