Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
In America we eat man semen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
