My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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