I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
