Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
