I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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