If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
