Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
