He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
