Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i will never coherently bang her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
