You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
