Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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