Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
