Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
