i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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