can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
