i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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