Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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