Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
