Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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