So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
