ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
