My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
