We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she woke up with a sticky ear
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
