That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I need water and some morals
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
