Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
