if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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