It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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