so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
