You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
