my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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