please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
