I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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