I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
