ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
