Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
