You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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