There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
