we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
