I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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