Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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