You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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