you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
