So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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