I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
