So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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