I hope mine doesn't look like that
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
