turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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