Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
