We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
