My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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