Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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