She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
