you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
