I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
