just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
