well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
