i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
should my penis look like a turkey
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just pee around me
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
