Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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