Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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