We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
