I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
