do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
