peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
