I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
