"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
