Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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