I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
