I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
