I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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